There oughta be an app for that

I continue to be amazed at the virtual explosion of apps that are now available for instant downloading with a simple whim.

The recent stampede on the mobile game Pokémon GO, the augmented reality mobile game, is just the latest. There are so many others.

Campbell Soup, for one, now has an app to tell you what’s for dinner. While you’re enjoying dinner, there’s an app that lets you know if you are doing so too fast. HAPIfork will tell you to slow down, if it senses you are chewing too quickly. I assume it must come with a HAPIspoon, too.

And if you are slouching at the table while you are enjoying your food, there’s an app that tells you to sit up straight, just like your mom used to do.

What got me thinking about the virtually unlimited business implications of all these app aids was this one: a Levity Algorithm in Google Apps that is designed to make you happy at work, help you send more cheerful emails, hold more effective meetings and inspire people at your presentations.

Which leads me to hope that if we can invent such useful enhancements like those above, then we surely must be able to expect its possible for all those creative app designers to come up with seven more that would make life in the office a little more productive:

--An app that automatically locks any door to a room that you are about to enter if there are occupants in that room awaiting the reception of information or material that you are absolutely unprepared to present.

--An app that causes your phone to ring, and to continue to ring without stopping, until you return all phone calls within a reasonable period of time that you have predetermined. Not to exceed one week.

--Likewise, an app that will not allow you to hang up or disconnect after you attempt to leave someone a voicemail without a reason why that someone should call you back.

--An app that powers down whatever smart device you are about to engage in an attempt to check emails or text messages when a guest is sitting in the chair on the other side of your desk or a presenter is presenting something at a meeting.

--An app that causes temporary paralysis in your vocal chords if it senses you are about to use them before the person you are going to use them on is finished speaking.

--An app that makes you take two skips in your giddy-up if you walk by someone else without making eye contact or at least trying your best to exercise the appropriate facial muscles in a way that would produce a small smile.

--An app that shuts down your email service for one hour every time you hit “reply all” to any email that requires a response needed only by the single recipient.

If we already have apps that tell us how to eat right, sit up straight and enjoy work more often, then all this surely is not too much to ask, right?

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